The Worst Advice Parents Can Give Their Kids About Martial Arts

In this blog, I want to talk about what I believe is the single worst piece of advice parents can give their children when it comes to martial arts. This perspective comes from over twenty years of experience as a martial arts instructor, as well as my own journey training in various disciplines over the years.

Let me be clear: this is my personal opinion. I’m not here to criticize anyone’s parenting choices or question how you raise your kids. As a parent myself, I fully understand how sensitive these topics can be. Every parent has the right to raise their child in the way they believe is best.

That said, I feel strongly about sharing this particular viewpoint—not to stir controversy, but to offer insight that might help parents make more informed decisions when it comes to their children’s martial arts journey. I’ll explain what this advice is, why I believe it’s harmful, and provide real examples to support my perspective.

Whether your child is already training or you're just considering enrolling them in martial arts, this post is for you.

The Worst Advice

It was a busy Saturday morning at my academy. A few new families had come in to try out our group classes—three sets of parents, to be exact, each bringing their children to participate in our free trial sessions. Their goal was to see if our kids' self-defense program might be the right fit.

As I was preparing to teach the morning kids’ class, I took some time to chat with the visiting parents, explaining what we offer and the type of martial arts we teach. One set of parents stood out in particular—they were genuinely curious and engaged, eager to understand whether their son would thrive in our program.

I told them, “Let’s see how he does in class this morning, and afterward we can talk more. Hopefully, he enjoys it!”

The mother was especially talkative. She shared that her son had previously trained in Tae Kwon Do, but over time, both she and her son grew tired of the repetitive nature of form-based practice. “It was just form after form after form,” she said. “He got bored and wanted to try something new.”

I reassured her that our approach was different. “Don’t worry—we don’t teach forms here. Our focus is on practical self-defense. We teach Jeet Kune Do.”

I then gave her my usual introduction to the philosophy and techniques of Bruce Lee’s fighting system—explaining how it’s rooted in real-world application and adaptability. I said, “If your son ever needs to defend himself, he’ll be able to use his Jeet Kune Do training effectively.”

That’s when she said something that stopped me in my tracks.

“I don’t want him to use any of this for fighting,” she said. “I just want him to learn.”

Internally, I was rattled—but I didn’t let it show. I smiled, but I knew I had to speak up. After all, teaching self-defense isn’t just my profession—it’s a principle I believe in deeply.

With calm but firm conviction, I replied, “So, just to be clear—you’d be okay with your son absorbing a beating? If someone tries to hurt him, you’re alright with him taking the abuse, as long as he doesn’t ‘fight’ back? You’re worried about him using martial arts to fight others, but have you considered the possibility that one day he might be the one who needs to defend himself? How exactly is he supposed to do that, if not by fighting back?”

Her expression shifted slightly—caught somewhere between discomfort and realization. I wasn’t trying to embarrass her or start an argument. I was simply trying to highlight something that too often gets lost when parents enroll their children in martial arts: the purpose of self-defense is, by nature, to protect oneself.

And that’s the heart of this blog.

“I don’t want you to fight.”

On the surface, that may sound responsible. Noble, even. After all, what kind of parent wants their child to fight? No one. But when that sentiment is taken too far—when it becomes, “I don’t want you to fight, no matter what,” it becomes dangerous. That’s because it subtly teaches kids that self-protection is wrong, that responding to aggression with strength is somehow dishonorable or shameful.

Let me be crystal clear: telling your child not to fight, even when they’re being harmed, is not just bad advice—it’s harmful.

The Real Purpose of Martial Arts

Martial arts isn’t about violence. It’s about preparing for violence—and being able to respond when it happens. It’s about awareness, discipline, and responsibility. But above all, it’s about having the tools to protect yourself or others when there’s no other option left.

If a child is taught martial arts but is also taught they should never use it, even in self-defense, then what have they truly learned? Punches and kicks mean nothing without the mindset and permission to act when it matters most.

I’ve worked with kids for over two decades. I’ve seen students grow in confidence, overcome bullying, and carry themselves with quiet strength—not because they were told to never fight, but because they were taught when and why to fight back.

Real-World Consequences

Imagine this scenario: a child is cornered by bullies. He’s hit, shoved, and humiliated. He knows what to do—his training kicks in—but he hesitates. Why? Because someone once told him, “You’re not supposed to fight.”

He freezes. He doubts himself. He gets hurt.

And then comes the worst part—he’s left thinking he did the right thing by doing nothing.

This isn’t just hypothetical. I’ve seen it happen. And I’ve had kids come back to me, shaken, because they didn’t know they had permission to defend themselves.

That’s why I speak out about this. That’s why I share these stories—not to point fingers, but to help parents rethink the messages they send.

The Truth About Martial Artists and Violence

Here’s a hard truth many people don’t realize:

The more skilled someone is in martial arts, the less likely they are to engage in a fight.

This may sound counterintuitive to someone unfamiliar with martial arts. After all, isn’t teaching someone to punch, kick, and fight just asking for trouble? Wouldn’t it make them more aggressive?

Not at all. In fact, the opposite is true.

A number of studies and decades of anecdotal experience back this up. Martial arts—especially traditional and self-defense-based systems—reduce aggression and impulsivity, while increasing self-control, confidence, and emotional intelligence.

A 2016 study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that martial arts training was associated with lower levels of reactive aggression and higher levels of self-regulation in young people. This supports what experienced instructors already know: as kids gain physical capability, they also develop the emotional maturity not to use it carelessly.

Why Martial Artists Avoid Fights

Let’s unpack why martial artists are less likely to fight:

1. They Understand the Real Consequences

Trained martial artists don’t fantasize about violence—they’ve lived it. They've felt the pain of a hard hit. They’ve sparred with someone bigger, stronger, faster. They know firsthand how quickly things can spiral out of control. This builds respect for violence, not a thirst for it.

People who have never trained often have a false sense of confidence—or worse, fear-driven reactions. Those are the ones more likely to throw a punch out of panic, ego, or ignorance.

2. They Build Real Confidence

A trained fighter doesn’t need to prove anything. Kids (and adults) who train consistently develop inner confidence. They walk taller, they speak with more clarity, and they project calm authority. Bullies sense this—and so do peers. Ironically, the kids who train to fight are usually the ones who never get into fights.

Untrained individuals, on the other hand, are more prone to posturing, overreacting, or acting out because they’re insecure. The old saying is true: “The loudest one in the room is the weakest.”

3. They Learn Emotional Control

Good martial arts programs emphasize more than technique—they emphasize mindset. Kids learn to breathe through fear. To stay calm under pressure. To follow structure. To respect authority and discipline. These qualities translate directly into better behavior in and out of the dojo.

Where the Misconception Comes From

So why do some parents still believe martial arts will make their kids more violent?

There are a few common reasons:

1. They Don’t Understand What Real Martial Arts Are

Many parents only know martial arts through what they’ve seen in movies or YouTube clips—fancy kicks, aggressive cage matches, or flashy performances. They associate martial arts with violence because they’ve never stepped into a real martial arts academy that teaches values, discipline, and control.

Some may have had limited exposure to tournament-based schools, where the focus is on point-scoring, medals, and choreography. These parents think that martial arts is either a sport or a show—and never see the self-defense side of it. And if they haven’t seen a fight-prepared mindset nurtured in a healthy way, they naturally fear the worst.

2. They Equate “Fighting” with “Being a Bully”

This is a dangerous false equivalence. Fighting back isn’t bullying. It’s survival.

When we fail to teach kids the difference, we raise them to believe that self-defense is wrong, that standing up for themselves is bad, and that assertiveness is aggression. That’s how we create victims—children who are too scared or ashamed to protect themselves when the moment comes.

3. They Were Taught the Same Way

Many parents pass down their fears and misconceptions unknowingly. They were taught to avoid conflict at all costs, and they think they’re protecting their child by instilling that same belief. But avoiding conflict and being unprepared for it are two very different things.

What Parents Should Teach Instead

Instead of saying, “Don’t fight,” parents should be saying:

• “Only fight when you have no other choice.”

• “You’re training so you’ll never have to fight out of fear.”

• “Self-defense isn’t about hurting others—it’s about not letting them hurt you.”

• “You’re learning control, not violence.”

  
  

Martial arts should be seen as the antidote to violence, not the cause of it.

Closing Thoughts

If you’re a parent reading this, I want to leave you with one final thought:

Don’t fear martial arts—fear what happens when your child is unprepared.

Giving your child the ability to defend themselves is one of the greatest gifts you can offer. Not because you expect them to fight, but because you want them to know they can, if they have to. And chances are, if they train seriously and consistently, they’ll never need to use it.

Because real martial artists don’t look for trouble. They know they are the trouble—when there’s no other choice.

A Call to Action for Parents

If you’re a parent considering martial arts for your child, I encourage you to look beyond the surface. Don’t let fear or misunderstanding keep your child from gaining one of the most empowering life skills they can learn.

Visit a reputable school. Talk to the instructors. Ask about their philosophy—not just how they train, but why they train. Watch how the students behave, not just in class, but before and after. You'll likely find confidence, discipline, humility, and respect—not violence.

And most importantly, ask yourself this:

Do I want my child to be prepared—or unprepared—when life gets real?

If you’re ready to help your child build strength, confidence, and the ability to protect themselves with wisdom and responsibility, then don’t wait. Enroll them. Empower them. Teach them that their safety matters—and that it’s okay to stand up for themselves when no one else can. Because one day, your child might need to make a decision in a split second. And thanks to the right training, they’ll have the confidence and clarity to make the right one.

If you're interested in training, please contact us:

Adrian Tandez

Warrior Combat Arts Academy

Phone: 408 373 0204

Email: contact@warriorcombat.net

Website: www.warriorcombat.net