I’m probably the worst person you could ever watch a horror movie with. Seriously. I can’t resist commenting, criticizing, and yelling at the screen. You know those people who point out every mistake the characters make? That’s me. And I know I’m not alone—shout out to everyone who sees horror movie victims' glaringly bad decisions while running from slashers or monsters.
But here’s the thing: I see these mistakes through the lens of a Kali Escrima practitioner. If you’re trained in Filipino Martial Arts like I am, you know how to think strategically in a fight-or-flight situation. Unfortunately, most people don’t have this training, so they have no idea what they should or shouldn’t do in these scenarios.
Now, before we get into it, let’s set some ground rules. This advice applies only to horror movies where the villain is human-like slasher films. If the threat is supernatural or paranormal (e.g., ghosts or demons), just get out. No amount of Kali Escrima training is going to help you against something that walks through walls.
For everything else, though, here are the
Top Ten Rules a Kali Escrima Practitioner Would Follow if They Got Caught in a Horror Movie
Rule Number One: Trust Your Instincts
Kali Escrima emphasizes situational awareness, and the first rule of surviving any horror scenario is to trust your instincts. If something feels off—like a creepy noise in the basement—you don’t ignore it. You stay alert and take action.
In horror movies, half the characters die because they dismiss their gut feelings. If your instincts tell you something’s wrong, trust them. It might save your life.
Rule Number Two: Never Go Unarmed
One of the core principles of Kali Escrima is adaptability. Anything can be a weapon: sticks, knives, pens, or even a rolled-up magazine. A true Kali Escrima practitioner is *never* unarmed, even if it means grabbing a nearby chair leg or flashlight.
In a horror movie, walking around empty-handed is a rookie mistake. Your survival kit is anything you can use to fight back. Remember, Kali Escrima is about turning everyday objects into self-defense tools.
Rule Number Three: Never Go Alone
Splitting up is one of the dumbest things people do in horror movies. A Kali Escrima practitioner knows that teamwork is critical. Stick together, and you’ll have more eyes, more weapons, and more chances of survival.
If you absolutely must separate, establish a plan and maintain communication. Kali Escrima practitioners understand the importance of covering each other’s backs.
Rule Number Four: Running Away Isn’t Always a Good Idea
Running can seem like a smart move, but Kali Escrima teaches you to assess the situation first. If the villain has a ranged weapon—like a bow or a gun—running in a straight line could make you an easy target.
Instead, look for cover, create distance, and prepare to counterattack if necessary. Running without thinking is panic, and panic gets you killed.
Rule Number Five: Defang the Snake
Kali Escrima practitioners live by the principle of "defanging the snake," which means targeting the limbs holding a weapon. If the killer has a knife or bat, neutralizing their hand or arm takes away their ability to harm you.
Instead of focusing solely on the killer, aim to disarm them. Disabling their ability to attack gives you the upper hand.
Rule Number Six: Always Go for the Head
In horror movies, how often do characters stab the killer in the shoulder or chest and then run away, only for the villain to get back up? A Kali Escrima practitioner would never make that mistake.
The head is the most effective target to ensure the fight ends decisively. Whether it’s a strike with a stick or a blade, a Kali Escrima practitioner knows that going for the head is the fastest way to stop an attacker.
Rule Number Seven: Always Make Sure It’s Dead
A classic horror trope is the “killer isn’t actually dead” moment. Not on a Kali Escrima practitioner’s watch. You don’t stop attacking until you’re 100% sure the threat is eliminated.
Double-tap, triple-tap—whatever it takes. This isn’t overkill; it’s self-preservation.
Rule Number Eight: Don’t Rely on Others to Save You
In Kali Escrima, self-reliance is key. While teamwork is great, you should never put your survival in someone else’s hands.
In a horror movie, waiting for backup is a losing strategy. A Kali Escrima practitioner takes control of the situation and fights to survive, no matter what.
Rule Number Nine: Do Not Scream
Screaming wastes energy and gives away your position. A Kali Escrima practitioner knows the value of staying calm and conserving energy.
Instead of panicking, focus on controlled breathing and using that energy to stay sharp and alert. Screaming might work in the movies, but in real life, it’s a fast track to becoming the next victim.
Rule Number Ten: You Are the Most Dangerous Creature Here
The ultimate mindset of a Kali Escrima practitioner is this: I am not the prey—I am the predator.
In horror movies, victims are often portrayed as helpless. Kali Escrima flips that narrative. With the right training and mindset, you are the most dangerous creature in the room. This confidence, combined with skill and strategy, makes all the difference in surviving a life-or-death scenario.
Conclusion
Horror movies can be entertaining, but they’re even more fun when you know what not to do. As a Kali Escrima practitioner, you’re equipped with the skills, strategies, and mindset to turn the tables on any would-be attacker.
The next time you watch a horror flick and yell at the screen, remember these ten rules. And if you ever find yourself in a real-life horror scenario, don’t panic. You’re not the victim—you’re the survivor.
Stay sharp, stay armed, and stay alive. And if you want to learn how Kali Escrima can give you the edge in self-defense, feel free to reach out. Your training could one day save your life.
If you want to learn Kali Escrima, get in touch with us at Warrior Combat Arts Academy. Our phone number is 408 373 0204 or email us at contact@warriorcombat.net
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