Why True Martial Artists Aren't Bullies: The Misconception About Fighters
- SiFu Adrian Tandez
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
The Misconception: “Fighters Are Dangerous People”
Over the years, as a professional martial arts instructor, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard some version of this sentence:
“I hope when she learns how to fight, she won’t use it on me.”
Usually it comes from a parent, sometimes joking, sometimes half-serious, but always revealing a deep misconception that many non-martial artists carry.
The assumption is simple, but wrong: that people who know how to fight are inherently violent. That learning martial arts turns you into a bully, a thug, or someone who can’t wait to unleash their skills on the world.
For those of us who have spent decades living and breathing martial arts, the truth is the exact opposite.
Why Do People Fear Fighters?
The fear comes from ignorance. Movies, TV shows, and news headlines love to paint martial arts as tools of aggression. Villains in old films strike “karate poses.” Street fights go viral online.
To the untrained eye, the ability to strike, grapple, and incapacitate another human being looks frightening.
But here’s the question I always want to ask in response:
“Why would someone trained in martial arts use it against you — unless you gave them a reason to?”
Martial arts, when taught properly, doesn’t create bullies. It creates people who have such a deep respect for what violence really is that they avoid it at all costs.
The Reality: True Martial Artists Avoid Violence
I’ve been training and teaching Jeet Kune Do, Muay Thai, Wing Chun, Kali Escrima, and Jiu Jitsu for more than twenty years. In that time, I’ve come across countless students, fighters, and instructors.
The one thing that unites them?
They don’t want to fight outside the gym.
Not because they can’t. Not because they’re weak. But because they know exactly what they’re capable of.
Violence is not exciting when you’ve seen it up close. It’s not glamorous when you’ve drilled it thousands of times. A real fighter knows how much damage a knee, elbow, or choke can do. And because we know, we choose restraint.
Who Really Starts Fights?
Here’s another truth that may surprise non-martial artists:
The people who start fights and bully others almost never have real martial arts training.
Why? Because bullies are driven by insecurity. They need to prove themselves constantly. They’re ruled by ego, not discipline.
True fighters have nothing to prove. When you’ve trained long enough to know what you can do, there’s no need to show off or intimidate anyone.
This is why you rarely hear about professional fighters getting into bar brawls. But you hear about plenty of untrained “tough guys” starting them.
The Nicest People You’ll Ever Meet
Here’s a truth that outsiders almost never believe:
The most effective, most dangerous martial artists in the world are often the kindest, most humble, and most genuine human beings you’ll ever meet.
My teachers, Guro Dan Inosanto and Sifu Francis Fong, are perfect examples. These men are legends — their skill level in Jeet Kune Do and Kali Escrima is almost beyond comprehension. They could dismantle anyone in seconds.
And yet, when you meet them? You don’t feel fear. You feel warmth. You feel joy. They are humble, funny, decent, and so down-to-earth that all you want to do is give them a hug. I do, every chance I get.
Why is that?
Because when you’re confident in who you are and in what you are capable of, you no longer need to prove anything. You can relax. You can be yourself. You don’t get triggered by small things because your sense of self isn’t fragile.
The closer you get to true combat effectiveness, the further you move from arrogance and insecurity.
The Philosophy Behind Real Martial Arts
What separates real martial arts from the caricatures in movies is philosophy.
The arts I teach — Jeet Kune Do and Kali Escrima — are not just about punching and kicking. They are about self-mastery.
Bruce Lee’s philosophy of “fighting without fighting” captures it perfectly. The highest level of martial arts is not about domination. It’s about control. The ability to choose not to fight is the ultimate victory.
In Jeet Kune Do, you learn to strip away the unnecessary, both in combat and in life. In Kali Escrima, you learn respect for dangerous weapons — sticks, knives, blades. When you understand how destructive those tools can be, you cultivate selflessness and restraint.
These arts don’t create bullies. They forge disciplined, humble individuals who value peace.
The Benefits of Training: Why Martial Arts Creates Better People
For parents who fear their child will “use it on them,” let me reframe the question:
“Do you want your child to grow up more disciplined, confident, and respectful — or less?”
Because that’s what martial arts offers.
Confidence Without Arrogance – A trained fighter doesn’t need to prove themselves.
Emotional Control – Martial arts teaches you to stay calm under pressure.
Respect for Others – You quickly learn there’s always someone bigger, stronger, or faster. Humility becomes second nature.
Community & Brotherhood – Training partners push each other, but they also protect each other. You don’t survive in martial arts without respect.
Awareness & Safety – Students gain the tools to avoid danger, de-escalate tension, and defend themselves only if absolutely necessary.
Far from making people violent, martial arts makes them the calmest person in the room.
What I’d Say to Parents
When I hear a parent say, “I hope she doesn’t use it on me,” I smile politely. But in my head, I ask: Why would she?
If your child respects you, if your household is healthy, there is no reason your child would “use it” on you. Martial arts doesn’t implant violence into a child’s heart. It brings out discipline, focus, and respect.
The kids who lash out are usually the ones without training, without guidance, and without structure.
Your child training in martial arts is less likely to bully others, less likely to lash out, and more likely to walk away from conflict with maturity.
The Deeper Truth: The Fighter’s Way
At the heart of it, here’s the truth every non-martial artist should understand:
The people you should fear the least are the ones who actually know how to fight.
We don’t look for fights. We avoid them if possible. But we carry peace of mind knowing that if we’re forced into a corner, if self-defense is the only option, we have the ability to protect ourselves and others.
That is real strength. Not ego, not bravado, not bullying. But the quiet confidence of someone who can fight — and chooses not to.
Conclusion: Fighting Without Fighting
So the next time someone assumes martial artists are dangerous, I’d ask them to look closer. The bully in the bar, the angry man on the street, the insecure parent who fears their child’s growth — these are the ones who live in fear.
The martial artist lives in discipline. In peace. In self-control.
Bruce Lee said it best:
“The art of fighting without fighting.”
That is the essence of true martial arts. Not violence, but mastery. Not aggression, but restraint. Not bullying, but respect.
And if more people understood this truth, the world would fear fighters less — and perhaps even learn from them.
If you are interested in training at my academy, please contact me:
SiFu Adrian Tandez
Warrior Combat Arts Academy
Phone: 408 373 0204
Email: contact@warriorcombat.net
Website: www.warriorcombat.net